So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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