She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
