so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
