i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
