This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
