dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
