shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
