Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
