You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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