Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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