Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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