So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
