it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
