listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
