last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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