You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
