I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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