When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
