Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
cat food counts as protein by the way
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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