What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
