In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Randomize
