How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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