i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
