She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
