Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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