My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
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