She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
