Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
