So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
