My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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