my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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