Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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