I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
