just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
