i wish my penis had a tongue
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
