it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
