FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
