I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
