Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
