make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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