barbara walters just said penis...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
