You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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