What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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