I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
