I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
