why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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