I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
