Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
