Your face is a jimmy john
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
