Come see our sink grown plant.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
