I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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