I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
