how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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